...And Part Time Marathoner
As I left the theatre tonight – a full one hour earlier than the scheduled end time of the movie I went to see – I tried hard to think back to the last time I actually walked out of a movie because it was bad.
I know what you are thinking, that I am one of THOSE people who doesn’t give movies a chance and that would actually walk out of a theatre before a feature film got better. I assure you, that is not the case. I sat through Cloverfield for its entirety -so there, case closed – I am not a premature movie-leaver.
Tonight however, I left after only 55 minutes, and that includes the trailers. And anyone who has been to a movie with me knows that I love trailers. In fact, my dream job would be to be the voice over talent for trailers – the next Don Lafontaine if you will. So I actually sat through 40 minutes of a truly awful film.
To make matters worse, the movie was written by, and starred, someone who I truly admire and think is an undeniable comedic talent. That person is Seth MacFarlane. MacFarlane’s latest film, A Million Ways To Die In The West – and the first one that I can actually remember him appearing in – instead of just writing, creating and directing – had an A list cast and looked promising. Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman, Goviani Ribisi, Liam Neeson, Charlize Theron and MacFarlane were all amongst the star-studded cast, yet this film was a dud from the get-go.
I don’t want to get too far into why the movie was bad, but I will say that despite the fact that I possess a sense of humor that can sometimes be borderline sophomoric, I didn’t laugh at any of MacFarlanes crude sexual innuendo, fart jokes or reenacted drunken hijinks.
I am willing to chalk this one up as MacFarlane’s mulligan. I find Family Guy hilarious. I think Seth might be the best celebrity toastmaster of my generation and I truly think that he is a fantastic screenplay writer and director (see Ted if you don’t agree). However, Seth had better be careful before he becomes the next M. Night Shyamalan. And come to think of it, I think I have quit on several of Shyamalan’s movies. The Sixth Sense was great. Signs – really? Superior alien life forms that are invincible, except for an allergy to water. C’mon now. Spaceships but no umbrellas. Gotcha. The Village? I will hold my tongue. Lady In The Water. Again, I’m not wasting my breath. Shyamalan, by my math, owes me at least 40 bucks in movie tickets and a few large buckets of popcorn.
Seth, I implore you – please don’t make another dud like your most recent attempt -A Million Ways To Die In The West.
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